Jonathan Safran Foer’s Everything is Illuminated

by Jess

I saw the movie a few years ago, and I loved it.  (I wanted to buy it, but Chris wouldn’t let me because apparently it’s not “cost effective” to purchase every movie you rent from Netflix.)

Anyway.

I picked up the book recently, and Oh.My.Gosh.  This book is amazing.  I’m only a few pages in, and I have to keep starting over to reread the hilarious narrative of our synonym-challenged friend Alexander Perchov. I’ll give you a full write-up when I’m finished, but I had to share my excitement.  It begins, in the first section, An Overture to the Commencement of a Very Rigid Journey, like this:

My legal name is Alexander Perchov. But all of my many friends dub me Alex, because that is a more flaccid-to-utter version of my legal name. Mother dubs me Alexi-stop-spleening-me!, because I am always spleening her. If you want to know why I am always spleening her, it is because I am always elsewhere with friends, and disseminating so much currency, and performing so many things that can spleen a mother. Father used to dub me Shapka, for the fur hat I would don even in the summer month. He ceased dubbing me that because I ordered him to cease dubbing me that. It sounded boyish to me, and I have always thought of myself as very potent and generative. I have many many girls, believe me, and they all have a different name for me. One dubs me Baby, not because I am a baby, but because she attends to me. Another dubs me All Night. Do you want to know why? I have a girl who dubs me Currency, because I disseminate so much currency around her. She licks my chops for it. I have a miniature brother who dubs me Alli. I do not dig this name very much, but I dig him very much, so OK, I permit him to dub me Alli. As for his name, it is Little Igor, but Father dubs him Clumsy One, because he is always promenading into things. It was only four days previous that he made his eye blue from a mismanagement with a brick wall. If you’re wondering what my bitch’s name is, it is Sammy Davis, Junior, Junior. She has this name because Sammy Davis, Junior was Grandfather’s beloved singer, and the bitch is his, not mine, because I am not the one who thinks he is blind.

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